Evil Americans, Poor Mullahs, Blackwater USA and a rabid German “Journalist”

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The news spreads quickly these days. It spreads at an impressive pace and the sources spreading the news are manifold and often astonishing. Often different threads are spun and seem to go in different directions, somtimes they unite and have “their ends” meet.

A couple of days ago I posted my entry on a poll held by Germany’s Forsa Institute on how Germans see the USA in comparison with Iran. On Wednesday, March 21, 2007 Sean Guillory of “Sean’s Russia Blog” posted an entry on Jeremy Scahill’s new book “Blackwater: The Rise of the World’s Most Powerful Mercenary Army“ featuring Blackwater USA, the infamous US-American “Security Firm”.

Is there any connection between Sean’s blog entry and mine ? No, not directly. At least none that was intended, neither by Sean nor by me. But how do these two “threads” meet ?

This morning I opened my mailbox and went through my e-mails. The usual stuff, nothing really important actually, but one particular e-mail is worth mentioning.

It’s one of the many newsletters I receive for professional and semi-professional reasons, it’s Blackwater USA’s “Blackwater Tactical Weekly”. (Now don’t ask me why I signed up to this “newsletter”, I won’t answer in public ).

So what does Blackwater USA’s newsletter editor (and president) Gary Jackson write in the “Tactical Weekly” ?

He writes about US Marine Corporal Jason Dunham, who bravely threw himself on a grenade on April 14, 2004 at Karabilah / Iraq. Dunham was not only posthumously awarded the Medal of Honor , the US Departement of the Navy also announced that it would honour Dunham by naming the Navy’s newest Arleigh Burke Class Destroyer after him and there soon will be the USS Jason Dunham cutting the waves.

Next, Gary Jackson writes about “The Tehran’s Hostages - Iran’s act of war against our British allies”, “The Walk Trough Fire - Hard times feed the insurgency, and the insurgency keeps Iran in ruins (A report from the front, such as it is)”, “A deadly US- Iran firefight”, “Inside Hizballah’s Hidden Bunkers”, “Opposing Views: Things are looking up”, “The War of the Words”,  ”Beyond the Call of Duty”, “Brutal Chinese Weapon - Tailor-Made for Insurgents”, “Hunting the Hunters”, “China is fuelling Pacific arms race”, “Iran’s elite Guard Corps broadens influence”, “Talking Dafur to Death” and “Humanitarian Conduct & Enhanced Operations: Specialized Training for Field Managers and Independent Contractors”.

Of course there’s also a “Tactical Equipment Evaluation” on “Grayman Knives”.

Now that is really the important stuff a “security firm” needs to worry and to write about in a “newsletter”.

At this point I’d like to underline that Gary Jackson’s “The War of the Words” is not identical with my blog entry “The War of Words”, Mr. Jackson and yours truly are no co-authors.

I fully understand that Mr. Jackson has to publish his views on the “hotspots” of today’s world. One never knows, maybe Blackwater USA will shortly become a “contractor” of someone feeling the need to bring peace, stability and “security” to Sudan, China, Iran or the Lebanon. And then it’s definitely necessary to be informed about tactical knifes, the “Blackwater USA Limited Edition SIG-Sauer P226 Pistol” and the “Bushmaster AR Rifles” Blackwater USA advertises on its corporate websites (Blackwater USA).

When looking at Blackwater USA’s website, please do not forget to visit the “professional store” where you can order all those neat things like protective vests, combat knifes, sunglasses, water bottles, battle dresses and plenty of merchandise having the Blackwater USA logo on them.

You may want to have a Blackwater USA license plate on your SUV, or you may want to buy Mr. Jackson’s favourite bumper sticker which he advertises in his “newsletter”.

This bumper sticker reads :

” Personally I’ve never experienced normal or stayed awake long enough to understand it. “

Well, Mr. Jackson’s favourite bumper sticker explains why the things with Blackwater USA are the way they are. And it also explains why Mr. Jackson is having difficulties to understand the reaction of the German government he describes in his article “Hunting the Hunters”.

It’s too “normal” for Mr. Jackson to undertand that the government of an independant country (Germany) objects to having one of its nationals kidnapped in Macedonia, being transported to Afghanistan for “questioning” and being mistreated there. It’s needless to mention that the kidnapping had taken place on the basis of a mistaken identity. 

Now Jackson fails to understand that Germany, knowing who these 13 CIA folks “f****** this up” are, doesn’t want to see these dudes in Germany again (from where they obviously operated without informing the German government, but which knew about them anyway). Despite the “strong warnings” from Mr. Jackson (and of some other “patriots”) the German authorities announced that those guys will be arrested and extradited when showing up in Germany again.

The bumper sticker also explains why Gary Jackson begins his “newsletter” by posting the content of the “Spiegel Online International” article “Evil Americans, Poor Mullahs” .

“Spiegel Online”, widely regarded in Germany being the “German Pravda for Failed Academics” , and personified by Claus Christian Malzahn (SPIEGEL ONLINE’s rabid Berlin bureau chief), definitely meets Jackson’s “normal” standards for being a balanced and “journalistic” masterpiece.

Mahlzahn writes everything a “true American patriot” like Mr. Jackson needs to know and wants to read about Germany. He writes about the “Kaiser” and Adolf Hitler, about Karls Marx and “German Colonies in Africa”, about Jews, Jews and Jews, the Holocaust, the Holocaust and the Holocaust, the Nazis, the Nazis and the Nazis as well as the German failure to win the last Soccer Worldcup. And, of course, he writes about the deeply felt love for the Mullahs in Iran, the love that fills and warms every German’s heart.

Last but not least, Mahlzahn writes about how much Germans hate Americans for winning World War 2, about how much Germans hate Germany for losing World War 2 and about how much Germans hate Americans for winning World War 2 (haven’t I written this already ?) .

I apologize for being so confused, I am a German. I spend all day hating Americans, hating Americans and hating Americans. Inbetween I have to express my deep love for Iranian Mullahs and then have to get back to hating Americans for not letting us win the last Soccer Worldcup. (Ooops !). There is little room left for anything else, besides (of course) the German national sport of hating Americans, Jews and denying the Holocaust.

Mahlzahn even suggests to repeat World War 2 (or was it the lesson to be learnt from it ?) so the nasty Germans will finally learn NOW !

Maybe Jackson and Mahlzahn can team up. Blackwater USA could “liberate” Germany from those Germans, bring peace and stability, could install a missile defence shield and teach Germany the lessons to be learnt from “Humanitarian Conduct & Enhanced Operations: Specialized Training for Field Managers and Independent Contractors”.

And then the Blackwater Army  employees could travel from the operational bases in liberated Germany to Russia, via Estonia (where they could finally remove this stupid “Bronze Soldier” in Tallinn) and could kidnap invite Putin, bring him to Guantanamo (via Macedonia, Afghanistan and Iran) and torture interview him there.

And Mahlzahn could arrange the press conferences and control coordinate the media from his new Blackwater Russia office in Moscow.

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Eingeordnet unter Deutschland, Die Spione, Die Söldner, Iran, Russland, USA